are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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