i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize