look no pants
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
