I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
