Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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