Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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