sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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