He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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