Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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