I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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