Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
