I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
