At least make sure they are 18
Why
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
