Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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