just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize