Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize