Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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