I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
