Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
