Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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