i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
