His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
