So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
