that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
