You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
