i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
