apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
