he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize