Pants 0. Shit 1.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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