how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
