I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
