Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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