Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
