I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
