What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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