It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
