umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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