just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we're making bets on your personal life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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