I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize