69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
