I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
