theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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