i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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