Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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