I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
