WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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