She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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