if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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