Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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