Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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