I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
