I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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