420 ftw
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
