I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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