Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
