when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
