apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
