I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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