it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
