i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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