He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
