i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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