rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize