Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
