We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize