I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
