I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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