your parents love me but you hate me
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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