He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize