ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
