just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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