he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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